how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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