If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
