you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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