I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
