Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
