I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
