can we get nightvision for the apartment?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize