This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
