I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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