My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
