captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
