we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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