do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
