After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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