so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
