i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
