I met the friendliest cop last night
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
