Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
