he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
