Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
