My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
she smelled like a LAN party
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
