Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
