just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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