I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
