i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize