Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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