i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
