And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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