i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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