Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize