She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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