you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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