he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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