Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
