don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
How does one acquire holy water?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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