my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize