Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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