I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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