I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
third nipple confirmed
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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