Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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