so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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