U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
