Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
