mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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