it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
