Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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