Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
