No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
thus making me awesome and them whores
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
