you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
