sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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