i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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