she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
