I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
