woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
