Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
