i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He better not be in your backpack
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
