i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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