Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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