that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
