im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Randomize
