Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize