Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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