i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
