Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
