Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
