gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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