I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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