remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
