And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize