I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize