I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
