I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
