Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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