I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
